Apr 25, 2025 | Bout News

Cirque du Derby Bout Recap

Game 1: Bodies of Water vs. Maul Rats

The night opened with a rematch of last year’s championship bout between the Bodies of Water and the Maul Rats. This year, the teams fought for third, with the Rats hoping to avoid a winless season. Chippa Tooth opened the bout with a massive 16-0 jam for the Bodies, but Twisted Transistor responded with a quick lead. The Maul Rat defense held firm, allowing Twisted Transistor to post a 20-0 jam and put the Rats in front. Gams secured another lead jam and 5 points to extend the Maul Rats’ lead, but Anne T. fascism scored 2 at the end of the jam for the Bodies. Through only 3 jams, the Maul Rats led 25-18.

Fanny Smack then became lead jammer for the Bodies, while three Rats (including jammer Crashy Go Lucky) were penalized at once. That allowed Fanny Smack to post 15 points, regaining an 8-point lead for the Bodies. Polar Blair added 3 more in the next jam to extend the lead to double digits. Chippa Tooth then appeared to secure a third straight lead for the Bodies, but she was given a penalty that left their new fish mascot, Scrappy the Crappie, stunned. Twisted Transistor used the power jam to score 6 points, taking the Maul Rats back within 36-31.

Krypta Night used a Gams penalty to score 9 points in the next jam, putting the Bodies up 14, then Crashy Go Lucky and Anne T. fascism skated to a 2-2 jam. 6 points from Fanny Smack then put the Bodies up 20 for the first time. After that, Lucha got her first opportunity to jam for the Bodies, but she quickly passed the star to Whoopsie Daisy after Twisted Transistor became the lead jammer. Twisted Transistor outscored Whoopsie Daisy 4-0, cutting the Rats’ deficit to 53-37. 

In the next jam, Chippa Tooth posted a 3-0 jam to put the Bodies back up 19. BooBoo then got a power jam opportunity for the Maul Rats, where she scored 11 points. The next jam was scoreless, keeping the score at 56-48. Gams then seemingly got a power jam opportunity, but she picked up an injury just as Fanny Smack went to the box, calling off the jam. Gams picked up 2 points before skating off under her own power. Crashy Go Lucky got the power start, and she scored 4 points to pull within 56-54.

Only needing two points to tie, BooBoo secured lead jammer and the two points she needed. However, Scam Likely outscored her with 3, extending the Bodies’ lead by a point. Chippa Tooth then scored 1 point in the next jam, putting the Bodies up by 4. The next jam was scoreless, and the Bodies called for an official review with 6 seconds left in the half. The officials assessed a track cut against Crashy Go Lucky, giving the Bodies a power start for the last jam of the half. Anne T. fascism immediately raced out to secure lead, scoring 6 points to put the Bodies up 66-56 at halftime.

The Bodies picked up where they left off in the second half, as Fanny Smack used a great block by Marty McFly to score the first 4 points of the half. Twisted Transistor responded with a hard-fought 4 of her own, taking the Rats back within 10. Chippa Tooth secured lead in the next jam, but she lost it after being penalized. That gave Switch Please a power jam, where she outscored Chippa Tooth 16-4 to give the Maul Rats their first lead since early in the first half.

The Rats’ 2-point lead soon became 13, as Crashy Go Lucky posted 11 points in the next jam. On top of that, BooBoo began the next jam with a power start. However, she picked up a penalty herself, allowing HypnoThighz to outscore her 7-4 and get the Bodies back within 10. Whoopsie Daisy then used a power jam to score 10 points, knotting the bout at 91. Switch Please quickly took back the lead for the Maul Rats with a 4-0 jam, but Chippa Tooth answered with 8 points to put the Bodies back in front. 

BooBoo seemed to become the lead jammer in the next jam, but she committed a penalty and was sent to the box instead. Anne T. fascism was also ineligible for lead, as she had received a star pass right as BooBoo escaped the pack. Despite the power jam, Anne T. fascism picked up a penalty of her own, and they split the jam 8-8. Anne T. fascism stayed in the box at the start of the next jam, and Twisted Transistor used the opportunity to score 8 points. However, Anne T. fascism scored 2 at the end of the jam, keeping the Bodies up 113-111. 

The Bodies began the next jam with only two blockers on the track, allowing Switch Please to race out to a quick lead. However, she committed a penalty, giving Chippa Tooth a power jam. With the crowd chanting her name, Chippa Tooth scored 18 to Switch Please’s 7, but the jam was called off because of an injury to Maul Rats pivot Sew Dangerous. Still, the Bodies extended their lead to 131-118.

Krypta Night was knocked down to the inside immediately to start the next jam, but she waved off the officials from calling off the jam. She eventually got up and passed the star to Anne T. fascism, but Crashy Go Lucky posted 12 points to get the Maul Rats back within 1. The Rats then got another lead jam courtesy of BooBoo, but the Bodies’ defense tried to fight her off and cling to their lead. Marty McFly stopped a BooBoo apex jump on her first scoring pass, but BooBoo eventually got through and scored 12 points to put the Rats up 142-131.

The last jam started with 37 seconds left, and the Bodies called on Whoopsie Daisy to jam. She secured lead, then Killer Bea – jamming for the Rats after she received a star pass – committed a penalty, giving the Bodies a power jam. Whoopsie Daisy took an apparent 143-142 lead, but she didn’t call off the jam because Killer Bea was in the box and had presumably scored points. Instead, Whoopsie Daisy completed another scoring pass, scoring 3 more points. It turned out that Killer Bea had also scored 3 points, meaning Whoopsie Daisy had done just enough to win by 1 point.

The Maul Rats called for an official review, but there was not enough evidence to award the track cut they were looking for. With that, the Bodies officially won 146-145, condemning the Rats to a winless season. The Bodies finished the year 2-3, with both of their wins coming against the Maul Rats.

Game 2: Roller Vortex vs. Wednesday Warnings

The championship bout featured the undefeated Wednesday Warnings trying to complete their perfect season against the Roller Vortex. The Vortex had never appeared in a championship bout, while the Warnings won the Golden Skate in 2023. Lexi Cuter, who didn’t play when the teams faced off in January, opened the bout with a 3-0 jam for the Vortex. The second jam ended immediately due to an injury to Warnings jammer Bri Zuss, then T-Wrecks raced out to score 6 points and give the Warnings their first lead. Wheelie Nelson then tiptoed along the inside for another quick lead, scoring 3 for the Vortex and tying the bout at 6 apiece. 

Lexi Cuter posted 2 points in the next jam to put the Vortex back on top. Battlerina then extended the lead with 3 more points, but Skatey Gaga outscored MadLibs 3-2 in the next jam to take the Warnings back within 4. Sintripetal Force scored 4 in the next jam to tie the bout. After that, Bri Zuss was the first jammer to escape the pack, but she was ineligible to be the lead jammer because of a no pass, no penalty situation (she passed an out-of-bounds Vortex skater while she was also out of bounds). Wheelie Nelson called off the jam as soon as she got lead, but Bri Zuss scored 1 point to take the lead for the Warnings.

That lead didn’t last long, as R.I.P.unzel outscored T-Wrecks 3-2 to tie the bout at 16-16. Lexi Cuter followed that with a 2-0 jam, putting the Vortex back in front. Battlerina then looked to secure another lead, but Val Kyrie and Lady Boomtown tracked her down, allowing Bri Zuss to become the lead jammer. She called off the jam after scoring 1 point, allowing the Warnings to start the next jam with Battlerina serving a penalty.

However, Skatey Gaga failed to capitalize on the opportunity, as she committed a penalty herself and allowed Battlerina to become the lead jammer. Battlerina scored 3 points, giving the Vortex a 21-17 lead. Lefse 4 Dead then added 8 for the Vortex to give them the bout’s first double-digit lead. Lexi Cuter followed that with yet another lead jam, scoring 4 points and bringing the Vortex to a 33-17 advantage.

In the next jam, Bri Zuss hoped to stop the run and became lead jammer, but she lost those privileges after committing a penalty. R.I.P.unzel used the power jam to score 12 points, taking the Vortex lead to 45-17 and forcing the Warnings to call a timeout with 6:30 remaining in the half. The 28-point deficit was the largest the Warnings had faced all season. 

With the Warnings needing a spark after the timeout, Sintripetal Force delivered. She outscored Lexi Cuter 20-5, cutting the Warnings’ deficit to 13 points. T-Wrecks was the first jammer out of the pack in the next jam, but a no pass, no penalty situation prevented her from becoming lead. Unaware of this, Wheelie Nelson took off her jammer helmet cover, so she was also ineligible for lead jammer when she exited the pack. T-Wrecks outscored Wheelie Nelson 13-8 during the two-minute jam, further trimming the gap to 58-50.

Bri Zuss gave the Warnings yet another lead in the next jam, and she called it off after scoring two points. Just as she did earlier in the bout, she called off the jam when Battlerina was in the penalty box, allowing Sintripetal Force to start the next jam as the only jammer on the track. She secured lead, and Battlerina got out of the box before passing the star to Annaconda, who was penalized herself. The jam was ultimately called off due to an injury to Vortex blocker Canuckle Sandwich, and while the scoreboard read 62-60 for the Vortex as the teams went into the locker rooms, it was updated to a 61-61 tie during halftime because of an official review.

Annaconda started the second half in the box, giving Sintripetal Force a power start. She scored 16 points, and while Poysenberry Pie scored 3 after receiving a star pass, the Warnings took their first double-digit lead of the bout. Lefse 4 Dead responded with 7 points for the Vortex, cutting the score to 77-71. Neither team scored in the next two jams, then Lexi Cuter scored a single point to pull the Vortex back within 5. 

Bri Zuss got the Warnings back on the board with a 4-0 jam, but their 9-point lead wouldn’t last long. Lefse 4 Dead used a Bizzquick penalty to score 23 points, and although Bizzquick scored 8, the Vortex recaptured the lead at 95-89. Battlerina followed that with 6 points on another power jam, putting the Vortex across the century mark. 

Lexi Cuter continued the Vortex run with a 10-0 jam, then R.I.P.unzel looked to further extend their advantage when she secured lead in the next jam. However, a big hit by Speed Rita slowed her down on her first scoring pass, and she ultimately lost lead privileges by committing a penalty. With only 2 Vortex blockers on the track, Bri Zuss outscored R.I.P.unzel 8-5, and the next jam started with the Warnings down 116-97 and R.I.P.unzel still in the box.

The Warnings called on Sintripetal Force to take the opportunity, and she delivered. She raced out to a quick lead, and R.I.P.unzel was penalized again after re-entering the track. Sintripetal Force made pass after pass while the Vortex kept struggling with jammer penalties, as Poysenberry Pie was assessed a penalty after receiving a star pass. By the end of the jam, Sintripetal Force outscored the Vortex 32-2 for the second largest jam of the season. (The largest, also by Sintripetal Force, was 34 points in last month’s semifinal against the Maul Rats.) Even more importantly, the Warnings took a 129-118 lead. 

The Vortex called a timeout with 6:58 left in order to regroup. However, T-Wrecks used a power start to score 4 more points, extending the Warnings’ lead to 15. Bri Zuss then outscored Wheelie Nelson 11-3, taking the score to 144-121 with 3:28 to go. Needing a comeback, the Vortex turned to Lexi Cuter, but she only managed 4 quick points before calling off the jam.

Bri Zuss raced out to a quick lead in the next jam, but the Vortex were offered a lifeline when she was penalized. However, Lefse 4 Dead couldn’t take advantage and was assessed a penalty of her own. The jam went the full two minutes, and Bri Zuss outscored Lefse 4 Dead 12-8 to extend the Warnings’ lead to 156-133. The Vortex stopped the clock with 21 seconds left and hoped for one last miracle jam.

Lexi Cuter and Sintripetal Force dueled for the tenth time of the night, and Sintripetal Force was the first to escape the pack. She called off the jam without either of them scoring, giving the Warnings a 156-133 victory, an undefeated season, and their second Golden Skate in 3 years. The Warnings became the first current home team to win multiple championships. Despite only scoring in 5 of her 13 jams, Sintripetal Force finished the bout with 81 points.

With the home team season completed, MNRD shifts its focus to the All-Star program. MNRD’s final home bout of Season 21 features the All-Star teams against two North America Northeast Region rivals in April. First, Minnesota Nice takes on Philly Roller Derby, then the All-Stars face Ohio Roller Derby. After that, the All-Stars host the Have a Nice Day Tournament at the Hopkins Pavilion on June 6-8, which will also feature Arizona Roller Derby, North Star Roller Derby, Red Stick Roller Derby, and the Texas Rollergirls.

Written by: Aidan Hofstedt